apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
