he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
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