You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
