I want to make a zoo with you.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
