I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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