just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
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