im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
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