It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
