morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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