I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
