he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
