Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Randomize
