i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Randomize
