Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
cat food counts as protein by the way
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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