oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
