yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
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