he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
