Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
