is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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