Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
