I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
