I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
