An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
