chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
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