Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Randomize
