Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Someone came in the potted fern
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
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