His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
this boner is exhausting
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
