I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
