is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
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