Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Sober January is a disaster.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
