Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
