i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
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