My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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