i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
