I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
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