I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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