I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
