Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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