DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
the raccoons are back...
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