I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Randomize
