i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
