a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
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