1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
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