he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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