Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
