I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
