Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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