I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Randomize
