did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Randomize
