ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Just cropdusted the office
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
