all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
