I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
My day in three words: secret purse cake
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
There's even glitter on my cock...
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