the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
