Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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