Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Randomize
