These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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