The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Randomize
