Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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