Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Randomize
