you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Randomize
